I thought it couldn't get any worse than that time at the dog park, but today I'm here to say that I was wrong! Dead wrong! You wouldn't believe what a horrible day it's been for me, boys, girls, and other!
So, at around 10 AM I had noticed while I was working at my desk that it was rather hot. This seemed especially strange to me since, y'know it's mid-October and I always have my thermostat at 60 degrees since Flimmy likes it cool. Though there had been nothing wrong with my thermostat which was indeed still at 60, so I paid a visit to my beautiful and perfect Land Lord who said the AC was broken! D:
This immediately had me in a blind panic, because I can't have my Flim-Flam in a boiling hot tank!!! Luckily, I'm always prepared for such emergencies and put her in her portable fish bowl and grabbed her stroller out of my closet. It was at that point I decided I had had to search for a cooler environment for my lady love.
Therefore, I left my apartment in the dust, prepared to journey high and low for the perfect climate. Though, that is where things went from horrible to extra horrible. The moment I stepped onto the pavement outside of my complex my shoe made and odd cross between a splash and a squish. Sort of similar to the sound of stepping in a puddle of blood, however this was much, much worse. I recoiled at once, looking down at my freshly polished, premium leather Johnson and Murphy shoes, only to find them SPLATTERED with neon blue paint!
Now, I could say that I hate messes, but that is certainly untrue. In fact, I love making messes it's a very adventurous sort of thing to do, you must all understand, but I DON'T like being a mess. If I were to make a mess it would be one that another person would have to clean up. Or make a mess OF another person. (Hmm, that's a funny little thought isn't it? xD )
Well, all the same, cleanliness is closest to Godliness and having paint covered shoes is most certainly not Godly! There was nothing to do however, I had to continue on for my Flimmy's sake!
So, down the street I walked, squishidy-squelching neon paint upon every surface I walked on. I noticed that there was paint of all sorts everywhere, all over the ground. I even walked past a large paint can that was laying in the center of Broadburn Way, just in front of the All Mart. I glared at it for good measure before I entered the store.
Now, you lovelies may be wondering why I was going to All Mart, but you see, the grocery section of All Mart is almost EXACTLY 60 degrees Fahrenheit which is the perfect temperature for Flimmy. So, there I stood in the produce section of All Mart with Flim-Flam strapped into her stroller.
It took about 5 minutes for me to get bored.
I had noticed a bit after my leaving my apartment, that someone had been following me just about the entire time. I'd been too busy with my little miss to worry about some geek following me. But, perhaps they'd be able to alleviate my boredom?
He was just some guy in a trench coat, but when I approach he looked surprised for a sec before bolting. Now that's pretty rude wouldn't you all say? You can't just follow someone all around town and then not even grace them with the courtesy of greeting them!
I grabbed Flimmy's stroller and gave chase, heading all the way out the store and onto the still horribly splattered streets. From there on we played a little game of cat-and-mouse, with my brand-new buddy ducking into side streets and climbing up fire escapes in an attempt to evade me.
But no adversary can evade The Most Adventurous of Adventurers, Hemmy for long! After all, I was once not so long ago, the most impressive-
Woopsie! Hahaha, look at me almost losing myself like that! I always forget that some you cuties could be something besides an avid fan! XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Well anyway, my mysterious friend ended up cornered at the back of Devil's Gate bookstore on Baker St. and in his last desperate motion he reached into his pocket and pulled out a gun! Of all things! I was a bit disappointed in all honesty, because not only was he not pulling out a gift or something similarly pleasing, but he pulls out an UGLY gun! It was just a Model 92 Beretta.
I mean really, if you're going to carry a firearm, then you ought to at least carry something more stylish than a police issue firearm. The woman behind the counter seemed to be in agreement with my opinion of the man's gun as she screamed at it's hideousness.
I nodded in agreement, making a sort of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ motion in her direction, which only seemed to make her scream louder for whatever reason (and I will admit I was mildly hurt (TT 3TT) ).
The man started to yell about how he was going to shoot me if I didn't move out of his way, which I was wondering why he bothered to say that, since it was obvious he would shoot me if he pulled out a gun and I stood in his way. Like, duh.
From there on things happened sort of quickly. I grabbed a dictionary from the shelf to my right, pushing Flimmy's stroller behind the shelf and out of the the way of danger, while both of the people in the shop continued to scream. I would've just pulled out my adorable little revolver (maybe the guy could use it as a reference for a more fashionable piece), but after my run-in with that grumpy-guss, Officer Jones, I thought it might be best to avoid waving around my gun for now. I tried to ask the Mister why he'd been following me, but I don't think he could hear me over himself. At that point, I realized I wasn't going to get anything interesting from him and chucked my dictionary as hard as I could in his direction. It connected with his temple nicely if I do say so myself, and he crumpled to the ground in a dead faint.
Noooooooooooooooow, I COULD say that the reason why I got out of this whole encounter without a hole in my chest was because the raw and astounding power of my adventurous spirit overwhelmed the evil baddie who tried to attack me. But, I am far too realistic to say that was (entirely) the case. So, that leads me to wonder if that big baddie with a government issue gun ever planned to shoot me in the first place.
Well, that's something to contemplate another day, I suppose.
After that big party, I hippidty-hopped my way home (after checking the pockets of Mr. Dead Faint) with Flim-Flam in her stroller and returned to an apartment with newly and fully functioning AC.
I will admit that it wasn't the most wonderful day, with me having to discard my favorite pair of shoes and slacks, but it certainly was adventurous! And I can say one thing; Even if I hate reading 'em, books really ARE the best weapons in the world! XD
Until my next adventure!
(ouo)/
